Kathleen's Korner at TheStidhams.com

I sent this originally as an email to an online community I belong to, where the topic of what is happening in Korea has been mentioned.

I am strangely not uptight about the Korean bomb thing. I grew up with the knowledge that nuclear holocaust was possible, probably inevitable. Yet, life went on. It was the only way to survive. Just keep living.

If tomorrow I died, would my life today have been worth living? That is really all that matters to me. I could die of illness, injury or murder tomorrow, as easily as with a nuclear or other military attack. I grew up a military brat, the idea that war can break out, even come to the United States directly, is not news. The idea of fall-out frightens me, but since there is nothing we could do about it, I can’t manage to worry. I figure we’ll have to cross that bridge if it gets built.

What concerns me is the people who, even before 9/11 and the Korean escalation, live as if life _won’t_ continue. They eat things that are bad for them and for the planet, they wear things that are made by children and slaves, they drive things that consume vast quantities of resources in both manufacture and locomotion, and they treat other people as if they don’t matter.

This sort of living almost seals the lid on the coffin of “life as we know it” — certainly the world my children are inheriting is almost unrecognizable from my grandparents’ world! The news yesterday was that the rain we normally get in the autumn and winter will in the next 50 years increase so that flooding in my region, and diminished snowpack leading to water problems in the summers, will be the norm rather than the exception. And yes, it’s attributed to global warming. Link to the story here : komotv.com/stories/46051.htm

So when our family, in our own way, try to live responsibly, we are faced with an overwhelming obstacle. No matter how frugally we live (and we are still not as minimalist and earth-friendly as we could be), we have only to look at our immediate neighbors to know it’s not making a difference.

To save gasoline and wear and tear on the vehicles, I am in town only once a week. Occasionally twice. There are several Hummers in our area and large trucks, single-drivers in each and all nicely polished and detailed — not needed for actual employment in other words, making daily commutes of 30 miles or more to work.

We make a lot of our own food (though with two hungry kids I admit to laying in a good supply of frozen things they can reheat); and buy as much of our produce from local sources as we can, recycle or compost nearly everything and rarely fill even half a can of garbage a week. We even manage to grow some of our own stuff, though I am sure we expend way more resources on our meagre crop than makes financial sense. Still, the deer seem to appreciate our efforts. And the kids do enjoy the fresh fruit and veggies when they get to them first.

Long run, I guess I have actually given up hope of making a difference to the world as a whole. Not that I’ll let on to the kids. Perhaps they’ll find a way out of the mess my grandparents’ and parents’ generations — and now mine — have made.

Note, however, I have not given up hope. I’ll keep voting for the candidates and issues that make sense to me, contributing to causes I believe in as I can, and quietly trying to live a life that is a good example.

And a new list of the seven greatest wonders of the world is being compiled. To vote for the seven you believe are the greatest extant wonders, check out

www.new7wonders.com

And, while the previous 7 wonders were centered on the Mediterranean, these choices come from all over the world. What a superb way to acknowledge the contributions of many cultures to modern life!

The new list of the greatest wonders of the world will be announced July 7, 2007.

We are dealing with a bullying problem.

A couple of years ago, our elder son had a falling out with a neighborhood kid — to the point of coming to blows. We were mortified, and after factoring in some rather “over the top” outbursts at home, took our child to see a counselor and get medication. We work very hard to encourage our children to be kind, to stop violent behavior and curb violent words, and to do everything they can to de-escalate situations. For us, physical violence and verbal harassment are definitely not acceptable.

As an additional note, this neighbor child had already, by that time, stolen things and set our children against each other more than once. We were attempting to provide him with good role models, but obviously it wasn’t working.

The measures we took with our child seemed to pay off. He became more polite at home, received rave reviews from teachers and others at school. His grades leveled off and his mood and behavior improved steadily until by the end of the last school year he had several friends and was participating in a number of extra-curricular activities. We are allowing most of his medication to taper down naturally — rather than increasing it to keep up with his growth, we are keeping the dose steady so he outgrows it.

Both our children seemed to be getting along well with each other and with other children. We felt that the worst was over. However, periodically this child managed to goad one or the other of our children into a frenzy. He seemed to delight at making others unhappy.

So recently we had told our children to not play with this child, and since the beginning of summer they were to refuse to speak with or about him! This backfired somewhat, as he took the opportunity to play with other neighbor kids and said mean things about our children that made their other local friends decide not to play.
So much for avoidance.

Last weekend, this fellow who had already teased our elder son on the bus and hit him on the bus… decided that he would shoot at him while our boy and dog were out for a walk. Not content with using them for target practice, he followed them on his bike and continued taunting.

Even a serious talk and warning from a deputy sheriff didn’t slow him down much. Yesterday he was on his bike in front of our house yelling at the top of his lungs. I could hear his older sibling telling him to stop, but he didn’t until he saw me standing in the doorway.

So what to do? Obviously, this child is crying out for help — he is angry — and not getting it. Our own children, when they misbehave, are put on restriction or lose privileges or have to work to make up for their misdeeds, or we seek professional guidance. This child — not sure what happens, but it’s not working.

For now, our own options are limited. I am not going to restrict our own children’s movement or activities beyond making sure they are accompanied back and forth past this neighbor’s house (which lies on the only road away from our home). If another major incident happens, we will prosecute. I am also exploring a no-contact order to make it clear to this child’s parents that they need to keep him under control at _all_ times. It would also make future prosecution more “sticky.”

But we will try to avoid prosecution. I believe that the juvenile justice system is as flawed as the adult… I don’t want to make him angrier, or put him in a place he can learn even worse behavior. I just hope that between school authorities and us, he gets the help he needs before he acquires a record.

Peace is our goal: not just for the planet by the absence of war, and not just internal peace, but the peace that comes from a safe and pleasant neighborhood. If only this were the goal of everyone on our street and in our town!